On Saturday I went to see the film 300 again, after seeing it for the first time last Wednesday. You may find it folly, dear readers, to see a film twice in such a short space of time, but I can tell you that it was just as enjoyable and manly the second time as the first time.

And manly was what it was, more than anything else. 300 couldn’t be any more man even if it had Michael Caine with a sawn off shotgun chasing Vinnie Jones in expensive sports cars whilst simultaneously being fellated by five gorgeous supermodels from every continent on the planet, wearing only a loin cloth.

This isn’t a bad thing. Manly, homoerotic films have always been fantastic. Let’s look at the ultimate manly homoerotic film as an example, Top Gun. Top Gun is about big planes whooshing about and shooting each other, whilst seducing and eventually sexing Kelly McGillis to within an inch of her life. In the meantime, though, I’m going to play beach volleyball completely unnecessarily with Val Kilmer; sheer writing genius. Then they kill a load of Rushkies and celebrate with a beer before sulking in a bar listening to crap old love songs.

What Top Gun didn’t have though? Spears! Swords! Shields! Elephants! Drugged up adolescent girls with their nipples out! A giant rhino! A human throne! Good lord, that film rocked so hard. Of course, swords are to films as chainsaw bayonets (and ninjas) are to video games - the more unnecessary they are, the better it is.